I was contemplating the cute little D&D facebook adventures
I was considering how to make my own little game like that, because I found it fun.
Essentially I know the key element of it’s fun – it’s got a good “low effort over high reward given” ratio. Meaning the amount of effort you have to put in to get a reward is low, compared to the reward. It’s fun in other ways, but I’d say this is the primary narcotic/attraction the game has – that it creates simple little stories is a secondary or tertiary narcotic.
I’m writing this because I went on a little journey and it might be of interest to others. I lay down with my notepad and wrote “Reality – while the light effort/large reward ratio works with others, as designer I do not get to enjoy its effect. I have put too much effort in already and will need more to complete the project”
But I still felt there was some way I can win at this, some way I can do it – the D&D facebook game seems so simple!
I can’t – the raw effort/reward ratio eludes me, unless I pretend that all the work to get it going wasn’t work. I’m not about to delude myself, so that’s a no go. I am cut off – I cannot achieve this goal, at all.
Next thought, almost blurred dangerously into that one, is that I can just write out bits of design I find amusing, with the express goal that I just write one amusing bit of design, and if I feel like writing more that’s nice and great, but the goal is just to write one amusing thing. Then if the thing or things I write actually make up a game that can actually be played, that’s a nice side effect!
The dangerous thing was I was close to not admitting to myself I could not achieve the first goal. It seems so close – the fun of the facebook app so simple to achieve. But it’s primary draw is that it doesn’t take effort to get it’s rewards. I would have to put in alot of effort to get my own going. That would mean a very high effort Vs reward ratio – unless I go into denial about how much effort I put in.
I still don’t think I can fully, emotionally grasp that I cannot achieve this – I think I have achieved intellectual understanding only. I think because the goal is based on almost pure emotion (the feeling of getting alot for doing little is a particular emotion). I think emotions are used to responding to outside, physical stimulous – emotions aren’t used to responding to the very fact they emotions exist.
Thus my emotions will probably bring me back to this behaviour – that’s partly why I intellectually write this out, as a reminder message to myself. The sickness in sickness post is like that too – there are things in it I haven’t emotionally internalised, and when my intellectual memory blanks (ie, I sleep, or think about alot of other stuff), it’s gone from mind and spirit.
I’ve run into this before, where I achieve more if I sit down and write out my thoughts on paper. It annoys me that apparently greater conciousness requires such a primitive outside thing as paper and pen involved with my inner thoughts.
Anyway, having written it out I can atleast intellectually say, I cannot achieve the first goal! The second goal is to see if anything design like is amusing to me to write down – just one thing – if I write a bunch, that’s nice but optional. If they form a game, that’s nice – but the primary goal of this activity is just to amuse myself with something designey. God that’s a vague word – designey!
And heh, I have concerns past this – I think if these designs do make a game/activity I find fun, if I keep building on them and do not keep the original versions, I may be throwing away versions I like (throwing them away by modifying them into something which is not the same, and not keeping a copy). So I can kind of see my ‘design any old thing’ modus in conflict with my game playing modus. But atleast I can see that conflict and that means I can learn to ride it, if need be.
Other peoples roleplay designs – seem to do this to me every time!
Well, writing it out helps me internalise it to some degree more than I was doing before. Still bugs me that to be more like the proper self awareness I think I really am at heart, I need tools outside of my mind.
See, just a little game did that to me? No, I don’t cope with the world at large – I move through it, but I wouldn’t say I cope! 😉